About Jess (Jun 2022-Feb 2023)
From June 2022-February 2023, this was my About.
Stories evolve. Perspectives shift. I like to keep things fresh, but I also find growth shows up in the written history. So here I’ll be keeping my previous “Abouts”.
i am creative. i am brave. i am persistent.
I’ve spent years in data - first as a user who had “database side projects”, then an analyst, to a data scientist, and finally to a solution engineer for one of the top data visualization platforms. The practical side of my personality was to always apply my logical, mathematical, problem-solving skills towards making a paycheck while trying to find ways of indulging the creative side. While I kept my practical job(s), I double-majored in Italian, I learned how to teach yoga, took ad hoc virtual painting classes, and taught myself how to knit. Yet the practical part of my life kept draining me and it no longer was enough to recharge with one-off days or even full weeks of vacation / unplugging.
In June 2022 I made the decision to reset my career course entirely. Up to this point, I’d always done some derivation of “data”. After reaching what I considered to be a pinnacle in terms of data careers, and still being fundamentally unhappy, I realized I needed to revaluate how I identified myself. No longer as a "data nerd”. No longer as “someone in tech”. No longer as someone with a traditional job. I needed to get back in touch with activity away from my computer and technology.
The first two months of this decision was a lot of recovery. I had reached my maximum weight while working - drinking a lot, eating a lot of sugar, and not moving much more than a few hundred steps a day. I took the time in July to be outside, getting back into running, joined my partner’s gym, cooking at home again, resting, and truly being mindful around what I ate, how I felt when I ate it, and why I was eating it.
Throughout the beginnings, I beat myself up over the lack of speed for getting started again. I’ve typically been one to power through, work diligently even through exhaustion and poor health, and get things done as quickly as I could. But after leaving my job (again), I was reminded that I needed time to heal and reset my way of thinking and expectations.
I beat myself up nearly every time I tell someone “I quit my job.” Some people are genuinely happy. Others fein happiness while looking at me curiously trying to determine if I’m “entitled”. They ask “what will you do for money?” or something along those lines. I tell them I have a plan, usually in a vague way, because I don’t want to be committed in the event I fail. I remind myself regularly, most people want me to succeed, see this move as brave and inspirational, and I should too.
I beat myself up for not making money and depending on my partner to pay the mortgage and the bills. I left a very well-paying job where I was making more money than I literally ever dreamt of making. To leave the paycheck, well, I felt like I was slapping every individual feminist that ever marched for my rights to an equal wage. When I think these things, I am reminded of the other inspirational stories I have heard and seen of women taking seemingly strange steps and ending up with great financial potential. Someday, I too would like to be part of those stories.
I beat myself up for a lot of things. All of the time. It’s actually part of my perfectionist schema that I’m actively struggling with and working on as an adult trying to make it through this life. It shows up in my writing, in my art, and in my story. Recovering from perfectionism makes me who I am, and in a way, is the differentiator of my work.
That’s what this journey is about for me. Creating a place where people can see they are not alone, can feel inspired by their day-to-day, and all while I actively engage in my world. Not at a computer (unapologetically, I might add). In real-life, with my hands, outside, and with my community.
Read more about my mission and values here.
