One Key To A Romantic Lifestyle
What I Mean By "Romantic"
“Romantic” / Romantic will differ from person to person. Maybe this moment is a good one for one to reflect on what their definition would be.
For me, romantic is a collection of dimly lit, vintage-framed polaroid like photos of things like stacks of books, flowers, cups of coffee, glasses and fanciful notebooks, people doing ordinary things like walking down the street or whispering in ears.
For me, romantic is fog, steam off soup and a lap blanket, a real fire in a fireplace, a kayak on the river, birds fishing, and my hand wrinkles.
For me, romantic is knowing a secret, giving what I can to help someone, listening whole-heartedly, and loud music.
For me, romantic is eucalyptus oils, knitting or sewing quietly, nostalgic fall feelings, and the ecosystem doing its thing.
Romantic in the context of life can be many different things, and the definition ebbs and flows, much like everything else in life, based on phases and feelings throughout life. There used to be a day where I only attached romance to love, or that feeling you get from a significant other. While I don’t disagree that I feel similarly about romantic feelings with regards to my partner, over recent months I’ve realized my romantic needs aren’t entirely consumed by him alone. I’m learning I find romance all around me.
For me, romantic is my partner buying me a treat at the grocery store, taking me to eat my favorite greasy food, and watching Netflix with me. This has changed, vastly, over the years.
For me, romantic is having someone to interrupt mid-sentence to point out funny clouds or red sunsets, lightning bugs flitting about, or friendly squirrels.
For me, romantic is a partner who wrinkles up when a genuine laugh is elicited, a partner who will call you out when you’re misbehaving.
To me, a feeling of romance is that feeling of joy something / someone / some place brings you. Might be a feeling of nostalgia or a scent of warmth and good times.
One of the definitions is:
a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life.
That - that joy of “what is this?!” An unexplained smile. A pause in the everyday.
The Key
Mindfulness is the key.
One day I was scrolling my new social media of choice, Substack, and reading about all of these writers and their romantic lives. Photos of stacks of books and coffee mugs. Their writing journals. Their glasses and maybe a laptop or cat. Their gardens, a beach, whatever coffee shop they were in that day. All I could think was, “man, I’d love that life.”
Yet, I paused a moment, looked around, and thought, “hold on… I have that life.” I can work wherever I want in my house or out at a cafe. I live in a park-like city with loads of wildflowers, tall trees, and cute wildlife. I wear glasses, and NOW I wear reading glasses when I’m in contact lenses, so I have SO MANY pairs of glasses. I read. I have piles of books. I have piles of journals. I have a romantic life too. I just don’t document it the way some others do, leading me to some sort of self-induced FOMO. But in all actuality, I wasn’t actually missing out on anything. I had already created for myself the romantic life.
What I realized the difference was, the difference it takes to post a romantic photo versus day-to-day life, was the pause. Social is bad for our mental health in a lot of ways (TBD if I expand on this more later), but in one way, it forces a lot of people to take a minute and photograph something they find interesting in their lives. Something romantic, mysterious, funny, cute, something outside of their day-to-day. Ironically, a lot of those photos are exactly their day-to-day. In fact, that is the joke many folks make. For example, people hating on photos of meals or posts about going to the gym.
While again, I don’t love social for a lot of reasons (again, for a later post, maybe, if I can muster the mental energy) maybe this pause in the day-to-day is just the romance we all need. We all just have different definitions.
I’ve been practicing this over the last several weeks. Basically since I’ve noticed the key was to notice the little things. I’m really enjoying it. It’s kind of like a living, walking gratitude journal.
It looks like a physical pause and saying out loud things like: “Look at the clouds.” or “Check out this pretty wild flower.” Literally pausing. Sometimes even bending over and looking closely. Sometimes taking a photo. Not to post, but to remind myself of the things I am finding interesting and cool, in my day-to-day, as I walk in my neighborhood, take out the compost to the backyard, wait for my partner, drive to the grocery store.
All of these things are just normal things.
And yet, there are bits and pieces of romance that can be found in the pause, the mindfulness, the noticing.
Things I’ve noticed since starting (besides loads and loads of wild flowers in random places):
One day there were storm clouds in the sky. But in the breaks of the storm clouds I could see a higher layer of fluffy, happy, white clouds. To think. Even the heavens have layers.
A mushroom in my dewy bright green grass. It was a tiny mushroom, but I bent over to get a close look. When I took a picture I got to see the dew.
All sorts of sunsets and sunrises.
Warm, homemade applesauce with super fatty ice cream tastes so great.
These are just some of the things. All made possible through mindfulness. Through the pause. Now, this will likely look and feel different for you. I’m not saying “do it my way,” but I do think practicing your own version of mindfulness will prepare you to take in your own romantic moments in life. Whatever the word means for you. Through reflection and pausing, you too could find the joy and have a romantic day.
Conclusion
I haven’t been meditating as much as I’d like. Or as consistently. I have, however, been working hard at mindfulness. Noticing things throughout the day, yes. Also, paying attention to my anxiety, feelings, sense of impermanence, equanimity. All the things that help one suffer less, endure more peacefully, and find joy.
I’ve added a few things to my journaling (and when it happens, meditation) routine. Not just gratitude these days. I’ve added a few prompts around adjusting my perfectionism and my productivity-complex (I’m sure there will be more on this later; will try to remember to come back here and update reference links).
One way to enhance meditation is to “note”. So when a thought pops up, saying to oneself “thinking.” If a sound, like a dog barking, “barking”. Another thing I work on throughout the day is practicing my noting when I see something I want to pause and enjoy.
I Note: “Romance.”
